I Need You Like I Need Air
by LemonStar
Summary: ..Happy/OC.. A series of one-shots involving Happy and Emily from "Man of Mayhem" and "Fear the Reaper". She didn't want to think about it at all because then she would have to admit to herself the type of man she found herself with and if she was with Happy and happy with him, what sort of person did that make her?
1. Chapter 1

**I have missed writing these two in just the couple of days it has been since I last wrote for them. For as much as I love Happy, it can't be forgotten how cold and brutal he can be. **

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…

She made Tara promise she wouldn't tell anyone about what happened and though Tara hesitated, she nodded and agreed.

"How do you think you're going to hide this from him?" Tara asked as she cleaned the cut on Emily's split bottom lip.

Emily honestly had no idea because even with makeup covering this, Happy would still be able to tell. One look and he would demand he tell her what the hell happened. There was no way she could keep this from him but she didn't know what she was going to do. She knew how Happy was. He would take one look at her face and his eyes would go black and he would become that person that absolutely terrified her. He actually was always that person but he had gotten better at curbing it around her. This would surely set him off though and there would be nothing she could do to stop it.

Tara stayed true and didn't say a word. As she and Tara ate their lunch in the cafeteria, Jax came and was smiling as he approached the table but taking one look at Emily, he looked confused for a half a second before a cloud rolled over his face.

"What the hell happened?" He demanded.

"I'm fine," Emily was quick to assure him. "Please don't tell Happy."

Jax ignored her and looked to Tara. Tara looked to Emily for a beat and then looked to him, putting a hand on his chest as if that would help calm him down. She took his hand and pulled him down into the seat next to her.

"There was a man hit by a car brought into the emergency room," Tara explained. "Strung out of his mind. He was unstable and unpredictable and…" she trailed off. "Security was able to restrain him as soon as they could."

Jax looked to Emily's bruised face, frowning. "You think he won't find out about this?"

Emily shrugged. "I'll figure it out."

He almost smirked but his face turned to stone again the longer he looked at her. He shook his head then and exhaled a breath. "Jesus Christ," he breathed.

She knew there was no hiding this from him and at the end of her shift, she decided to just face him head on and get it over with, so to speak.

He was at the clubhouse. Over the past couple of weeks, more and more of his things were finding their way into her apartment. Neither of them had ever discussed it. It was just something that happened naturally between them since he was sleeping over there every night anyway.

But during his days, if not running on some errand for Jax, he was pretty much always at the clubhouse doing whatever it was that the "club" did there.

She felt her stomach knotting itself so tightly, she felt like she was going to throw up, and she felt scared. She hadn't felt scared around him in a while but the feeling wasn't entirely foreign to her. She remembered when she used to be terrified of him.

Her eyes squinted for a moment as she stepped inside, going from such bright sunshine, and she took note of who was present there. Thankfully, there was no one. She didn't really want an audience for this.

She took the path down the hallway and stopped in front of his bedroom, the door open. He wasn't in there. She didn't know where he would be since his bike was outside but not wanting to search everywhere looking for him, she instead went into the room and sat down at the foot of the bed.

Tara had prescribed her some pain medication and she hadn't taken it yet. She sat there and felt her face throbbing. She had avoided looking at herself in the mirror all day and she still had no idea what she looked like. Judging from everyone's reactions though when they did see her, she knew it wasn't good. She had been given the next few days off – to recuperate, they said though she knew it was because they didn't want her to be around patients looking like this. She must look just wonderful and she knew more than one person was going to think that the biker she was dating had done this to her.

She knew Happy would never hurt her. There had been a time when she hadn't known and even after they had developed some sort of strange relationship between them, she had still sometimes wondered if he would. But now, being with him for some time, she knew he wouldn't. He may hurt everyone around them to take his anger out on but he had never raised a hand to her and she knew he wouldn't. She didn't doubt that.

He could be rough when they were in bed together but that was something different entirely. She craved that roughness and he knew she wanted it.

And she didn't necessarily blame the drug addict though she knew Happy would show no similar sympathy.

She heard the arrival of voices as some of them came into the clubhouse and she felt her stomach clench. Within minutes, he would be here and she would have to show him her face and there would be stopping him. She didn't know all of the details but she had a feeling. Her boyfriend was not a good man. He might have been to her but to anyone else, no. There was so much she didn't know about him but she knew she didn't want to know. She turned a blind eye and kept it turned because with Happy, _she_ was happy and she wanted to keep that happiness for as long as she could.

"Saw your car outside," Happy was saying as he turned into the room but he stopped in his tracks when she lifted her head and he got the first look at her face. Within an instant, his eyes turned completely black and his expression went to stone. She could feel the coldness sweep into the room and she slowly stood up.

"It's not that bad," she began to say but he cut her off when he strode up to her, placing himself in front of her. His hands lifted to her face and she could feel the anger throbbing off of him and yet, his hands were gentle as he turned her face one way and then the other.

"Tell me," he growled and that was all he said.

She swallowed, closing her eyes for a moment as his black eyes penetrated her. "There was a man in the emergency room today," she began to say though she hadn't wanted to tell him anything. "He, he didn't mean to…"

"Who was he?" His hands were still cradling her face and she opened her eyes again to look at him. She tried to think of another time she had seen him as angry.

"Happy-"

"Tell me," he said again.

"He was just an addict and he didn't want to be there…" she tried to weakly explain.

He didn't say anything else. Without a word, he turned and walked out of the room and she slowly sat down on the foot of the bed again. She could only imagine what he was going to do but she didn't want to think about it. She didn't want to think about it at all because then she would have to admit to herself the type of man she found herself with and if she was with Happy and happy with him, what sort of person did that make her?

…

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He took his time. He never rushed when he was doing this type of thing and he made sure that the junkie tied in the chair received all of his special skills. Rope, fire, knife, rubbing salt in the wounds, little drops of acid. They were in the warehouse for hours and he sometimes took breaks to catch his breath, wiping sweat from the back of his neck or chugging from a bottle of water as he looked at the man, bleeding and whimpering through the gag tied around his mouth.

Jax had helped find him, asking Tara about the man's description and she had been reluctant to give it because she wasn't stupid. She knew what would happen when they found him but in the end, she told him and they then went to go the usual spots where the junkies hung around in the area.

He didn't need help. He never did. This was what he did. This was his role and it always had been but Jax, Chibs and Tig had volunteered to stay with him. Tig had even left and brought back vanilla milkshakes for them as if they were watching a show.

Happy's concentration was never broken. He never let allowed his mind to be clouded with thought when he did this but this time, it was different. This time, it was as personal as it could get. He looked at the man and all he could see were the bruises that marred Emily's face. Emily. No one touched her. Even if she wasn't his old lady, he would have killed the man before him if he had even looked at her the wrong way.

He went to the table where he had his other tools of the trade and picked up a syringe. He turned to the man and the instant he saw the needle, his eyes widened as if he knew what he was going to do. Happy went to him and crouched down in front of him.

"When the air enters a vein, they call it an embolism. From there, the air enters an artery. It can either go to your brain or heart or lungs. It'll give you a heart attack, a stroke, or give you respiratory failure," Happy told him.

"I did not know that," Tig said to the other two.

The man whimpered and began to scream through his gag.

Happy stood up and went to his arms bound behind him. He saw them scarred and littered with track marks. He gripped one and injected the needle into the vein, injecting nothing but air. The man was struggling to get away and screaming but Happy didn't even blink as he injected him again. He then stood up and tossed the needle onto the table before going to where the guys sat and Tig handed him one of the milkshakes.

The man was dead within ten minutes and they helped dig the hole.

…

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She was in bed but she wasn't sleeping when he got back home. It was almost two o'clock in the morning and she heard him, first in the kitchen, getting a glass of water, and then he was coming into the bedroom. He went into the bathroom and she listened as he did his things in there before coming out again. She didn't have to look to know he was putting his clothes away and straightening his things before he got into the bed. She was lying on her side and he laid down behind her, his body forming around hers. His arm was heavy across her hip and she felt his warm breath on the back of her neck.

Neither said a word. She didn't ask where he was or what he had done. She didn't want to know. She never wanted to know. She wanted to remain as stupid and as blind as she could for as long as possible because she knew when she couldn't hide from the truth anymore, that was when this would all end and she wasn't ready for that yet.

She found his hand in the dark and laced her fingers through his, feeling him squeeze back.

…

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**Thank you very much for reading and please comment!**


	2. Chapter 2

**I have decided to make this story a series of one-shots involving Happy and Emily.**

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…

Sometimes, there was a party at the clubhouse and they wound up crashing in his old bedroom in the back. She didn't necessarily like the parties and didn't go to most of them but sometimes, she just wanted to be with him and would tolerate the loud music and near-naked women everywhere. She knew it didn't bother Happy when she didn't come. He actually didn't mind at all with how little time she spent at the clubhouse and she knew that her being around there made him uncomfortable – or as uncomfortable as a man like Happy could be. But sometimes, when she did come to one of the parties, he would stare at her with a heat in his eyes and she smiled and blushed back.

He never let her leave his side. He would sit and have her sit in his lap, his arm always around her as if there was any doubt left from any of the others there that she was his old lady and there with him and they usually wound up going into his old room with Tig calling out to them, asking why there were leaving so early and Happy usually responding with a middle finger.

The next morning, she woke up with a stream of sunlight across her face and Happy's arm heavy across her stomach. For a few minutes, she just laid there, blinking up at the ceiling, allowing her brain the luxury of slowly waking up to no alarm clock. She turned her head on the pillow and watched Happy sleep. Even sleeping, he looked absolutely fierce.

As soon as she began wiggling, trying to get out from under his arm, he woke up and his arm tightened around her. He was a light sleeper – always ready at the slightest sound.

"Where are you going?" He asked, his eyes open and his mouth already in a frown.

"The bathroom and then I'm going to get coffee. Do you want any?" She asked.

"You drink too much of that shit," he said, closing his eyes again, his arm remaining across her stomach, and it looked as if he was settling back in to going back to sleep.

"I'm a nurse," she reminded him. "I wouldn't be able to function without coffee. You drink too much beer but I don't say anything," she teased him back and one corner of his mouth twitched into a smirk.

"You bitch about it every time you have to buy more," he pointed out to her.

She gave him a mock frown. "I do not bitch." He just smirked at that and didn't say anything. She watched him for a moment. "Are you going to let me up?" She asked. He didn't answer and just continued lying there with his eyes closed and his arm like a weight across her stomach. "If you don't, I'll just pee right here in the bed," she threatened.

He smirked. "You know I could probably be into that."

"Ew!" She groaned and laughed at the same time and this time, when she pushed his arm, he let her move it, his lips cracking into a grin. She slid from the bed but then bent over, pressing her lips to the corner of his jaw.

She went to the bathroom and when she stepped out, he was still in bed, his head now resting on her pillow. She found her underwear on the floor and she pulled them back on before going to the dresser and finding the SAMCRO tee-shirt of his she usually wore.

She unlocked the door and without a word, she slipped from the room, stepping into the quiet hallway. Most of those from the party the night before were still passed out, strewn around the clubhouse. She stepped over Juice, passed out in the hallway and snoring deeply, and made her way to the kitchen.

There were two women there – crow eaters already brewing a pot of coffee – and they both looked when she entered. She gave them a small smile but only one of them smiled in return. She knew she probably looked less than put together. Her hair was a mess and she was wearing nothing but Happy's tee-shirt. These women were wearing the tightest jeans with shirts that showed off plenty of skin. She always felt so uncomfortable around the crow eaters. Not because she knew Happy had probably slept with most of them but because she was so completely different from them and it just reminded her of how different she was from Happy and this entire world. As if she needed more reminders.

"Here you go, hon," the smiling one said to her with another smile, handing her a mug filled with the searing beverage. "Cream or sugar?" She asked.

"No, black for me. Thank you," Emily smiled in return.

She glanced to the other one who was just standing there, staring at her. Glaring more like it and Emily wasn't entirely sure what she had done to have gotten such a look like that. She wasn't around her enough, in her opinion, to be glared at by a woman she didn't even know. As awful as it sounded, she didn't think it was important to learn their names. She wasn't around enough the clubhouse enough and according to Gemma, as Happy's old lady, no crow eater was allowed to come near him. Of course, he could go and sleep with anyone he wanted to but she – at the moment – trusted him.

With one more small smile, she turned and left the kitchen but she didn't walk back to Happy's room. Instead, she lingered just outside the door on the other side of the wall.

"You can't be so mean towards her. She's Happy's old lady. Gemma will kill you if she finds out," the nicer of the two hissed at the other.

"She's not an old lady," the other said. "She doesn't even have the tattoo."

"But she has Happy saying she's his old lady," the first pointed out to her. "That's all she needs. Besides, I think she's sweet."

"I think until Happy gives her a tattoo, he's still fair game," the other replied.

Emily wasn't sure what they were talking about. She needed to get a tattoo? But she didn't want one. Yes, when she had graduated from high school and about to start college, she had entertained the notion of getting one but honestly, for being a nurse, she wasn't the biggest fan of needles. She had no problem setting up an IV or drawing blood but if those things were being done to her, she cringed. She knew getting a tattoo wasn't for her.

But if she really wasn't Happy's old lady without getting one… she shook her head to herself as she walked back down the hallway towards his room. This was such a strange world he lived in and she didn't know if she would ever fit in. No. She knew she wouldn't. She had strong feelings for Happy and they seemed to grow more and more every day but she didn't know if she loved him. And she knew he definitely didn't love her. She wasn't going to delude herself into thinking this was some grand romance between them. They liked one another and had fun with one another and right now, that was more than enough.

Is that why Happy hadn't mentioned her getting a tattoo? Did he knew she wasn't truly his old lady until she got one? And by her not getting one, did that mean what the crow eater had said? She wasn't truly his old lady?

She was frowning as she walked back into the room and closed the door behind her. Happy was coming out of the bathroom wearing his boxers and nothing else and she stood there, leaning against the door, staring at him. He was tall and muscular and covered in tattoos. She sometimes wondered what she saw in him and what he saw in her. She wore Converse sneakers and skirts that weren't skintight or ridiculously short. She had absolutely nothing leather in her wardrobe.

He was staring at her without saying a word and she wondered what he was seeing.

She managed to give him a small smile and taking a sip of coffee, she went back to the bed.

"Chucky making breakfast yet?" Happy asked, still standing in the doorway of the bathroom, watching her.

She shook her head. "Just a couple of girls making coffee. Everyone's still passed out." She carefully climbed onto the bed and sat up against the headboard, stretching her legs out in front of her and holding her coffee mug with both hands. "Maybe we could go out for breakfast. Just the two of us," she then suggested.

She wasn't sure why. That wasn't something they did. They either hung around their apartment or the clubhouse and were never the sort to go out, acting like a couple.

Happy stared at her for a moment. "Someone say something to you?" He then asked.

"Who would say something to me?" She asked, trying to sound casual, and she took another sip of coffee, moving her eyes away from him.

She had heard stories from other crow eaters who hung around the clubhouse. Of things that happened on the road when these guys were on runs, doing whatever it was they did. Happy made a lot of runs for the club and maybe that was why she didn't have his tattoo. She knew he had slept with other women while sleeping with her – before they had gotten together – and when he told her she was his old lady, she had just assumed that she was the only one he was sleeping with now.

But maybe that wasn't actually true.

And she felt her stomach begin to churn the more she thought about it.

She wanted to ask Happy about the tattoo and what those women in the kitchen had been talking about. She wanted to ask if she was really his old lady. But she made sure to stop herself before she could and swallowed the questions down. She wanted to ask but at the same time, she didn't want to hear his answers.

She took another sip of coffee and rubbed the soft cotton of the hem of the tee-shirt between her finger and thumb. It was her day off from the hospital and she actually didn't have any place she had to be.

"You really wanna go out to eat?" He then asked her and he was leaning in the doorway, still watching her closely and it was no secret to her how he intimidated everyone around him. Her boyfriend was a very scary man. Boyfriend. Is that what he was? She had just assumed so but now, she had no idea about anything.

She sighed softly and shook her head. "Not really," she admitted truthfully, softly.

"I'll go see where Chucky is," he said and began crossing the room towards the door.

"Can you get dressed first?" She blurted out. "Before you go out there…"

She felt him staring at her again but she was staring down to the tee-shirt she wore, still rubbing a part of it between her fingers and avoiding his eyes.

…

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**Thank you for reading and please review!**


	3. Chapter 3

**There is going to be a bit of a time jump between this one-shot and the next one. The next installment will be told from Happy's POV and as you know, writing his POV always makes me so damn nervous. **

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…

She came out of the dressing room and looked doubtfully at the reflection in the mirror staring back at her. The dress was too tight and it showed off too much of her breasts. She had to fight the urge to tug the front of the dress up to cover them because if she pulled the dress up to cover her breasts, something else would be left exposed.

Natalie appeared behind her. "Perfect!" She exclaimed, practically clapping with glee. "Oh my gosh, Em. You look _so_ hot. This new you is going to drive him so wild."

Emily kept frowning though the more she looked at herself. She didn't like this at all. This wasn't her. At all. She wore her sneakers and cotton dresses and cardigan sweaters and she wasn't like the other women in the clubhouse. And Happy knew she wasn't like them. She had always assumed that that was one of the reasons why Happy liked her. But after hearing what that crow eater had been saying in the kitchen a few mornings earlier, she hadn't been able to get it out of her head. Maybe she had been sexier to be an old lady.

But the longer she stood in front of the mirror, she hated herself a little more with each passing minute. This wasn't her. She was not the sort to dress in a particular way or change herself for any man. This wasn't her and if this was what he wanted, maybe he would be better off with any of the women who hung around the club.

She sighed softly and Natalie noticed, her own smile fading.

"What?" She asked, sounding almost impatient.

Emily shook her head. "This is ridiculous."

"Looking hot for your man is ridiculous?" Natalie asked, confused and a little incredulous.

"This isn't me, Nat, and Happy knows that," Emily said, turning away from the mirror. "And I'm not going to walk around in this. I don't think I've ever been this uncomfortable."

"You're just not used to it," Natalie put her hands on her shoulders and turned her back towards the mirror. "You'll get used to it."

"I don't want to get used to it," Emily said and with that, she turned away from the mirror again and went back into the dressing room, sweeping the curtain closed behind her.

When she stepped out again, she felt much better in her Converse sneakers, blue and white stripped sundress and her black cardigan. Natalie came out of her own dressing room a moment later, wearing black leather pants. She instantly went to the mirror and turned around to check out her ass.

Emily smiled a little and shook her head. "Gotta go," she said. "I'll see you later?"

"Brunch on Saturday," Natalie reminded her. "And I think you're making a mistake."

"Your opinion is dutifully noted. I'll talking to you later."

And with another smile and a wave, Emily left the women's department, heading towards the exit of the store. She was surprised that not only Natalie had even gotten her to go shopping with her but also that that woman at the club and what she had said had bothered her so much.

She didn't tell Happy about it. They weren't one of those couples who talked about things. She supposed he knew more about her mainly because she talked so much more than him – and she had learned early on that even if she asked questions, he would never answer. But she knew their communication was basically non-existent. She just never seemed able to tell him things that were bothering her. For one thing, he was the first man she had ever dated. The first real man. Every relationship before that had been with boys and a part of her had no idea how to be with an actual man. Especially a man like Happy. Fierce and constantly scowling and so damn frightening and intimidating. He was warm with her, sometimes even affectionate but only when they were alone and not even then was it something she could depend on.

Happy wasn't the sort to sit around and talk about thing sand he wasn't the sort to sit around and listen to her talk about her thoughts or feelings so she had just grown to assume that he wouldn't care. She just kept it to herself – or told Natalie about it – but sometimes, she was lay there with him sleeping beside her and she didn't understand what she was doing. Shouldn't she be with a man that she could at least talk to?

It was just something else she added to the already long list of why she probably shouldn't be with him and yet, something was keeping her with him. Something that had burrowed itself deeply inside of her and wouldn't let her walk away from him.

She drove straight to St. Thomas to report for her shift, changing into her light blue scrubs and pulling her hair back into a braid. She hadn't spoken to or seen Happy for almost twenty-four hours but that was also part of the norm when it came to their relationship. He was off, doing things for the club that she didn't even want to think about because she had looked up what his patch meant on the internet one day. Sergeant at Arms and all sorts of words popped up. Disciplinary. Enforcer. Everything she read had frightened her because it all seemed to fit Happy perfectly and she didn't even know most of him.

She was on a twelve-hour shift and once she stepped from the hospital, the sun was rising with a new day. She got into her car and headed straight home, eager for a shower and some sleep and hopefully, her path would cross with Happy's. If even for just a little bit.

The instant she stepped into the apartment, she knew he was there. He had coffee brewing and Kyle was at his bowl on the floor, eating the cat food that Happy had scooped out for him. She always loved how he bitched about that cat practically on a daily basis and yet, if she had to work, either he would – or he would send a prospect over – to make sure that cat was fed. It was just something that seemed to be such a contradiction to the man he appeared to be the rest of the time.

"Hey!" She called out as she slipped out of her sneakers.

"Hey," he answered from the kitchen. "Wasn't sure what time you were gonna get here."

"What time did you get here?" She asked, dropping her purse onto the table before coming into the kitchen. He stood at the counter in nothing but boxers, cracking eggs into a bowl, and she admitted that she loved with his tattoos were all on full display like this.

"A few hours ago. Gonna be hanging around the garage today if you need me," he said.

She nodded and she felt herself stepping behind him, her arms slipping around his waist and her lips brushing against his back. The action made his own actions still.

"You alright?" He asked after a minute and she knew what he was thinking.

This was way too sweet and too domestic of a scene for them. But she couldn't seem to help herself. Seeing him there, making breakfast, she looked at him and had missed him so much with the time they had been apart.

"Mm-hmmm," she nodded. "Just a long time since I've seen you."

Happy didn't reply to her comment. Instead, he turned around then and she gasped with surprise when he lifted her as easily as if she was Kyle and he settled her on the counter. He stepped between her knees and she leaned forward, pressing her lips to his and his hands began pushing the hem of her dress up her legs. She squirmed a little and kissed him hard, Happy kissing her just as hard in return. One of his hands went to the back of her head, cupping it, gripping some of her hair, and her hands slid up his chest and over his shoulders, pulling him in to be even closer to her.

"Happy," she murmured as he bunched the dress around her waist and her own hands dropped to the waistband of his boxers. His lips had left hers and were now sucking on a patch of skin at the side of her neck a little too hard, definitely leaving his mark. "Happy," she said, more like a whimper now, and she arched her back, pushing herself into him.

He pulled his head back and her eyes fluttered open to find her looking at him, the pools of black staring into her and she felt a tightening in her stomach the longer they looked at one another. She had no idea what he was thinking but suddenly, a thought popped into her own head and it was absolutely terrifying. So damn frightening and yet, it was in there now and had planted itself quite comfortably in her brain like a seedling taking hold of the soil and she couldn't shake it no matter how badly she wanted to.

And she looked at him and was even more scared to realize that she didn't want it gone.

For as wrong as she knew this whole damn thing between them was, she didn't want it to end anytime soon. She had no idea what kind of life they would have – or could possibly have – together but she looked at him and suddenly, she was just so damn tired of thinking about the same things over and over again and never getting anywhere.

She looked at him and he stared back at her and she leaned forward, brushing her lips across his, imagining that she had surprised him with the gentleness and tenderness.

"I love you, Happy," she whispered to him.

She wasn't expecting a response and wasn't surprised in the least when Happy remained silent and just kept staring at her. She stared back and knew she wouldn't take it back even though her instincts were screaming at her to do just that.

…

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**Thank you so much for reading and please review!**


	4. Chapter 4

**A shorter chapter just because you know how Happy's POV scares the crap out of me when I write him. I feel like I have written myself into a corner with this pairing/story. I know everyone wants them to have a happy ending but I'm not too sure how I can make that happen because Happy will always be in the club and I _never_ want Emily to be a doormat. **

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…

The porn star was all over him and for a few minutes he let her be. She had blonde hair and eyes that weren't brown and her chest was big and her skirt was tight and short and she was wearing heels. She was the complete opposite of Emily in every single way. She also smelled like some tacky ass perfume that she was wearing too much of and making him want to choke on it. Or making him want to choke her. He couldn't decide.

Emily usually just smelled like soap because she washed her hands hundreds of times a day and took a shower every time she got home from the hospital. That's because he was with a woman who was a fucking nurse. She graduated high school and college and nursing school and this woman pressing her tits against him right now, her biggest achievement was sucking the most guys off in one day in Caracara history.

And this was the woman who he needed to have pressing herself against him. Not Emily with her clean smelling and soft skin and her Converse sneakers and her stupid cat and when he laid in bed beside her at night, her head always somehow got to resting on his chest with her arm across his stomach. Sleeping with Emily could be so suffocating to him at times and he would sleep sometimes at the clubhouse just to get away from it. She had told him she loved him and she was getting too comfortable being with him and it did nothing but piss Happy off more and more.

That wasn't how things were supposed to go. Yes, he had said she was his old lady and everyone in the club and who hung around the club knew it but he didn't expect it to have such an impact on what he had going with Emily. She was fine. Nice and pretty and they had something good. But then she told him she loved him and Happy immediately backed off. The whole reason why he liked Emily was because it was pretty obvious she was never going to be in love with him. There had always been a part of her who was afraid of him.

He had liked that and he had wanted to keep it that way. She had nothing to do with the club. She was as far from the club as someone could get. Yeah, she was seeing him and sleeping with him but it wasn't as if she was Gemma or Tara and always up in club business. She had absolutely no idea what happened every day or what he did for them. And that was how it was supposed to be.

What the hell was she thinking? She was in love with him all of a sudden? Just thinking about it now, he scowled. What was it about this club that made women so fucking stupid? She wasn't a part of this and he didn't want her to be. He wanted to keep the two things separate because he had found himself liking going to someone who didn't know anything. She asked him how his day was and he said fine and that was it. She didn't ask anything because he would answer anything and that was how it was between them.

What did she think of Tara? Her entire life was pretty much ruined now and for what? For Jax and the club and what the fuck was Emily thinking? She obviously wasn't if she told him she loved him even though she knew the club was always going to come before her. Her parents weren't even speaking to her right now because of her involvement with him and he knew that she missed them but she still kept seeing him and now she fucking loved him?

Too pissed off right now, he pushed the porn star away from him and grabbing another bottle of beer from the bar, he went outside. No one seemed to notice or if they did, they could see the dark look on his face and were smart enough to stay away from him right now. He went towards the swing set and lowered himself down into one of the swings and drank for a few minutes in peace.

He hadn't been around her in the past few weeks – ever since she told him that – and he knew he was being a dick but this was who he was and if she had decided to do something so fucking stupid as to fall in love with him, then this was something she had to get used to. He knew she wanted to get married someday and have kids and if she thought that she would have things with him, she was a lot stupider than he ever thought.

For a brief moment, he wished he had never met her. The first time he saw her at that roadside diner should have been the last. He should have never kept going back the way he did but he got off on her fear. She was terrified of him and yet, there was always a fire in her eyes when he said something that pissed her off and everything about her had amused him. And she was a pretty girl who was ignorant to his way of life.

He should have never started something with her again after she got a job at St. Thomas and moved to Charming. It put her too close to everything and everything was fucked.

He finished drinking the beer and then chucked the empty bottle across the lot, hearing the glass smash against the pavement. He would go pick it up later. He hated messes and he hated the thought of someone stepping on that glass or running over it with their tires.

He heard steps approaching and he turned his head, seeing that it was Chibs. He frowned. He really wasn't in the mood for this whatever the man wanted. Chibs sat down on the swing beside him and didn't say anything as he lit a cigarette. Happy looked at him, still frowning, as the man calmly inhaled and then exhaled a cloud of smoke into the air.

Emily absolutely hated cigarette smoke and he smoked only on occasion but he made sure to never smoke in the apartment. Fucking girl had him pussy whipped and that shit had to stop because it was sending her mixed signals as to what this was and this wasn't anything where she could tell him what to do.

"Was expectin' the lovely Emily to be here tonight," Chibs then spoke.

This was also another huge fucking problem. The guys loved Emily. Jax, Bobby, Juice, Chibs, Tig. Especially Tig. They all thought she was a great girl and were happy about her having old lady status and he hated her being around any of them. Not because he thought any of them would try anything with her or her with them but because it just showed him even more – as if he needed something else to show him – that she didn't belong here with any of them.

Happy kept frowning. "Working the night shift at the hospital. And even if she wasn't, she wouldn't be here."

Chibs said nothing to that and just nodded. "Jax is wantin' to have church in a few minutes. Talk about the Irish."

Happy said nothing either and nodded his own head. Chibs stood up and walked away and for a moment, Happy had been afraid that the man had actually wanted to have some kind of heart-to-heart talk about women or some shit like that but thankfully, Chibs was smart.

And it wasn't like he knew what to do with Emily anyway. She was his old lady but it wasn't as if he had given her the ink. He hadn't wanted to because she was his but she wasn't a part of this and he was working so fucking hard to make sure she stayed away from it all. But she had said she loved him anyway and he was suddenly glad she didn't have his ink because now it would be that much easier to just walk away.

Because what the hell else was he supposed to do except walk away from her?

…

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**Thank you for reading and please review!**


	5. Chapter 5

**I'm sorry for the long wait between updates. I have been going through some personal things at the moment - things I'm still going through - and Happy and Emily aren't exactly the easiest couple to write. I am mixing events from S5 and S6 all up together and the next chapter update will deal with something from S7. **

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…

She hadn't seen him in weeks and she wasn't surprised in the least. She had no idea where he was or who he was with and she did her best to keep her imagination from running wild. She told herself that there was no reason in worrying herself over nothing because she already knew what she had to do. The next time she saw Happy, she would just do it and get it over with and that would be that. And she couldn't imagine him fighting her on it considering she told him she loved him and he had all but run away.

Weeks later and she was still mentally berating herself for that. She couldn't believe she had said that to him. What the hell had she been thinking? Did she really love Happy? Coming home and seeing him there, feeding Kyle and making them breakfast, she had felt it in that moment and had said it because it was on her mind and it had been the truth.

But if she took him away from her and the apartment and thought of the rest – thought about the sort of life he lived and the sort of man he was – it was no wonder why her parents were no longer speaking to her. What was she doing? Why was she with this sort of man and why the hell did she say she love him? There wasn't a single part of her that was surprised when he had disappeared after that. And what the hell was she doing with a man who she wasn't surprised when he did that?

After getting off her shift at the hospital, she made a quick trip to the grocery store for a few things before heading home and stepping inside, Kyle was immediately there, rubbing himself around her ankles. She smiled and took the bags to the table, setting them down so she could rub Kyle on his head, the cat purring with contentment.

She unpacked and put away all of the groceries and then went into the bedroom, eager to take a shower and wash the smell of hospital from her. She lingered beneath the warm water, allowing it to soak every single inch of her, drown her in it if possible. And if the phone hadn't started ringing, she would have stayed in the shower even longer even though her fingers were prunes and her skin had light pink tint to it.

She hurriedly wrapped the towel around her body and snatched the phone from the table beside the bed. "Hello?" She answered, sounding slightly out of breath.

"Hello, love," Chibs greeted her and as every other time one of the other guys called her – and not Happy – her heart began racing in her chest almost immediately, her mind already trying to figure out why one of them would be calling her and not the guy she was still supposedly still with.

"Is he okay?" She asked, sounding out of breath for an entirely different reason.

"He's fine but he told me to call you," Chibs said and she couldn't help but frown at that, thinking how unlike Happy that was. "Do you have a bag at your place? I know Tara has supplies for when one of the guys gets hurt."

"He's hurt?" She couldn't help but interrupt.

Chibs continued as if she hadn't. "Do you have supplies to give the man stitches?"

Emily's heart was racing and her head was slightly spinning. He was okay but he needed stitches? This was just one more thing to add to the list. For most people, getting stitches for anything would be something but for him and these guys, it was all just another day.

"Yes," she remembered herself to answer. "Is he at the clubhouse?"

"We're here," he confirmed.

"I'll be right there," she said and then hung up before anything else could be said.

She was quick to dry herself off and then pulled on one of her dresses and cardigan sweaters and swiftly pulled her wet hair back into a braid. Happy had asked her once why she wore dresses all of the time and in her opinion, the answer was pretty easy. She wore scrubs so much that when she didn't have to, she liked wearing clothes that made her feel like a girl. He had smirked at that as if she was always amusing him and his hands had slid up her thighs and he had rumbled that he liked her wearing dresses, too.

She was thankful that she didn't get pulled over for speeding because she knew she was breaking nearly every speed limit getting to the clubhouse. There were just a few of their bikes outside and when she hurried inside, she saw that it was Jax, Happy, Tig and Chibs as well as Gemma and Chucky as usual. Her eyes immediately landed on Happy. He sat at the table – Gemma beside him as she counted out Aspirin tablets from a bottle – and was drinking from a bottle of whiskey. Chibs was standing behind him, wearing his glasses and inspecting his head.

"What happened?" She asked, rushing to him.

"He got grazed," Jax answered and Emily visibly swallowed as she looked at the red angry line on the side of his skull, bleeding.

Grazed. She knew what that meant. She was working at the hospital, starting IVs and checking on and helping patients, and her boyfriend was getting shot at by someone. She wasn't going to ask for details. She knew they wouldn't answer her but she also knew that she didn't really want to know. This was what Happy did; what they all did and would all continue to do long after she was no longer around.

Her mind wandered to Tara for a moment. The woman was a doctor; a surgeon and save babies every single day. How was she able to be with a man like Jax? How was she able to have a life so entwined with this club and be fine with everything that happened here? She reminded herself that she really needed to talk to Tara. Tara was probably the only other person in the world who could understand all of these conflicts in her head right now.

"Let me see," she said in a soft voice and Chibs stepped aside so she could get a better look.

"Hap's said you've done this for him before," Gemma said.

Emily nodded and picked her bag up, setting it down on the table beside him. "One of the first times I met him," she said and now it was her turn to not give any more details. She snapped on a pair of latex gloves and then quickly snatched the whiskey bottle away from him. He instantly frowned at her and was about to open his mouth to protest but she cut him off before he could. "You know better," she said and it was all she said as she turned and handed the bottle back to Tig.

She gathered her supplies and then went back to stand beside him, taking another moment to look over the wound. "This is going to hurt," she unnecessarily warned him even though he already knew it.

"Trust you doing this for me more than anyone else," Happy grunted and if anyone knew Happy, they knew praise or a compliment when they heard it – Emily included.

She refused to let his words warm her though as she began her work, cleaning the cut, trying to be as gentle as possible because he didn't flinch but she saw the way his jaw clenched so tightly, the muscles in his face twitched.

Conversation resumed around them but it was all murmurs to her ears and she couldn't decipher any of the specific words as she concentrated fully on stitching Happy back up.

She knew it was a big deal that he had Chibs call her. After going weeks of pretending she didn't even exist and nothing they shared together ever happen, it was surprising Happy had asked her back here whether he trusted no one more than her or not.

Happy was not the sort of man who would ever discuss their relationship and she had gotten used to that and most of the time, it was fine because things had been fairly simple between them. They were together and spent most nights at her apartment – _their _apartment – and sometimes, they were here at the clubhouse and she was his old lady and that was that. And then she had to say three words that went and changed everything between and changed them for not the better.

Now, they had to talk because there was something that actually needed talking between them but she knew unless she approached it first, it would just keep settling heavier and heavier between them until it suffocated them both and it would be too late.

Maybe it was already too late.

"How many can I give him?" Gemma asked.

"Three," Emily answered, her hands never wavering as she almost finished the long wound and her eyes never moving from her work. "Chucky, can you get him some water to wash those down with? No alcohol," she then said in a firm no-nonsense tone. She knew Happy could easily ignore her – he was an expert at ignoring her – but this time, Chucky handed him a bottle of water and Happy took it with just some minor grumblings. "All done," she said a few minutes later. "Let me just clean it one more time but take those Aspirin first."

Happy popped the three pills instantly and downed them with water and she stepped back to him, cleaning it carefully once more and looking over the stitches.

"Thanks for coming, Doc," Gemma stood up, smiling at her.

Emily shook her head, peeling her gloves off. "I'm just a nurse."

Happy stood up, too, taking another swig of water, and she felt his eyes watching her as she cleaned everything up and packed her bag once more. She didn't look at him though and instead acted as if making sure she had everything took the upmost concentration.

"Walk you out?" Happy asked then and she found herself nodding her head before she could stop herself and tell him to go to hell.

She really wanted to tell him to go there and a thousand other places – places all away from her. She was not going to be a doormat. She wasn't going to just let him do whatever he wanted and expect her to take it. She wasn't some mindless croweater who hung around the club, begging for any scrap of attention one of the members threw their way. She knew Happy was used those sorts of women but he had to know by now that she wasn't one.

Outside, she walked ahead to her car and she heard him behind her but she didn't wait for him. He had walked her out like he said. He never said anything about talking with her and she didn't really feel like talking to him right now.

She knew he had needed her today but the fact that Chibs had called and she had come running – now that she knew he was alright – she hated herself a little because she had just said she wasn't a doormat. After weeks of ignoring her after telling him she loved him, she should have just hung up after telling Chibs that Happy could deal with it on his own.

She tossed the bag none-too-gently into the backseat and opened the driver's door.

"Hey," he said and reached out, his fingers wrapping around her arm. "Wait."

"Why?" She asked immediately, finally looking up at him. She knew Happy was a scary man – the scariest man in this club – but she was pissed and he needed to know that and she wasn't going to be scared of him right now.

Happy stared at her and said nothing and she sighed heavily because she had just given him an opening and he hadn't taken it. Of course he hadn't.

She pulled her arm back from his grip and took a step away from him. She didn't say anything either as she got into the car and putting the key in the ignition, started the engine.

He stood there and stared at her and through the open window, she heard him say, "You're still my old lady."

…

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**Thank you so much for reading and please review!**


	6. Chapter 6

**I am so sorry for the delay in updating this story. I am terrible and I know I am. I am just working on so many stories right now and unfortunately, ****this one got pushed to the background. But I found myself in a random Happy/Emily mood and I had to write them. **

**This chapter has jumped some time in the show and is between S6 and S7 right now. **

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…

With Jax locked up at the moment, Gemma had been the one to plan the entire funeral and as the small group stood at the graveside, Emily couldn't help but think of how beautiful it was and how Tara would have liked it.

The fresh flowers, the dark wooden casket, the words the priest was saying about an eternal paradise which surely Tara was enjoying right now. It was a small funeral with just the guys from the Redwood charter, Gemma, the boys and herself, Wendy and Lyla present for it. Emily was sure more people at the hospital would have wanted to come and pay their last respects but Gemma had refused to let anyone else come.

Abel hadn't said a word in days and the little boy stood beside his grandma now, his hand clasped tightly in hers. Thomas had been fussy for most of the day as if he knew that his mom was being buried and it seemed like Emily was the only one who could quiet him. She held him now, bouncing him so slightly in her arms, holding him close and thinking of her own mother and how she couldn't imagine burying her right now. They hadn't talked in months and she felt an ache in her chest from longing.

Her eyes lifted to look at Happy as he stood beside her. She had stood beside him at his mother's funeral and he had looked then as he looked now. Completely blank. Almost as if everything inside of himself had been detached from being here right now and if she snapped her fingers in front of his face, he would probably have no idea where he was.

The service ended and everyone began dispersing, Gemma reminding them all that she was having food served at her house.

"Thanks for watching him, baby," Gemma said, appearing in front of Emily, and she plucked the drowsy Thomas from her arms. The baby was too tired to protest, his head finding his grandma's shoulder as he continued drifting off and Gemma walked away, Wendy, now holding Abel's hand following behind.

Emily kept standing there and she looked to Happy again, him still beside her.

Without a word, she reached over and slid her hand down his arm with a light touch, not sure how he would react to it right now. But Happy, still staring at the casket as it waited to be lowered into the ground, grabbed her hand and held onto it almost too tightly. She didn't wince though and she stepped a closer to him, her cheek resting on his arm.

She wasn't quite sure what to say to him. They hadn't been talking to one another a lot lately and she wasn't even entirely sure what they were. It was as if they were in some sort of strange holding pattern with one another. He said she was his old lady and he still came to the apartment to sleep in bed with her but she didn't really feel like he was her boyfriend – which was such a ridiculous title to put to a man like Happy anyway.

She had no idea why she didn't walk away from him or why he didn't walk away from her.

But now certainly wasn't the time to talk about it. Tara was dead. Someone actually _murdered_ her and it was still something that Emily couldn't completely wrap her head around. Gemma had seen some men sneaking into the house but she hadn't really been able to identify any of them and Jax had found her dead on their kitchen floor. Just thinking about it now, Emily felt a fresh batch of tears stinging her eyes.

Who would want to kill Tara? She was so kind – always so kind to her and Emily had considered her a friend since her first day working at St. Thomas. And she being Happy's old lady and Tara being Jax's, Tara had been someone Emily had been able to talk to about things when having any involvement with the club was becoming too overwhelming. Of course, Tara's advice usually was telling her to get the hell away and stay as far from the Sons as she could get and Emily always wondered why Tara stayed with Jax if that was how she felt about the club and being an old lady.

Emily had never been looking to have this be her life. She had never imagined herself being in a relationship with a man like Happy and having ties to a motorcycle gang – she didn't care what Happy said. It was not some innocent club. And she would listen to Tara and think about what it would be like if she left Happy. She didn't think he would fight her on it. Most of the time, he acted like her being around didn't matter that much to him. She had fallen in love with him like an idiot – and she didn't understand how she had done that – but she knew she didn't have much of a future with him. How could she? He wasn't going to marry her or buy a house with her or have children with her. And she loved him but did she really want to have those things with him?

She stared down at Tara's casket. Tara had wanted to get away and in the end, she had.

"Come on," he said and gripped her hand as he turned from the grave and Emily walked beside him as they crossed the grass to where his bike was parked.

She had ridden there with Lyla in her car but Lyla had already left, going to Gemma's and probably knowing that Emily would be leaving with Happy. He climbed onto the bike and she climbed on behind him, taking the helmet he handed her. She clasped it on and once he felt her arms slip around his waist, he started the bike and rumbled out of the cemetery.

She noticed that he wasn't taking them in the direction of Gemma's and she wasn't surprised when he pulled into a parking space in front of the ice cream parlor. Two other bikes were there and walking in, she saw Chibs and Tig were there, Chucky behind the counter, pouring them cups of coffee. Happy held her hand as he walked in and she followed behind. Chibs and Tig stood up from their stools and the three all shared hugs and then Chibs pulled her into a hug, kissing her on the side of the head, a gesture which Tig then mirrored, hugging her a bit tightly.

"Would you like some coffee, m'lady?" Chucky asked her.

"Yes, please," Emily smiled warmly at him like she always did. She then eased herself onto one of the vinyl stools and Tig sat down in his stool beside her. She felt Happy standing behind her and she couldn't help but lean backwards a little, resting against his chest.

"Gonna be headin' to Gemma's?" Chibs asked, sipping at his own cup of coffee.

"In a little bit," Happy nodded. "Just wanted a few seconds to get it clear again."

Chucky placed a cup of steaming coffee down in front of Emily and then handed her the carton of cream, knowing that she always took cream with her coffee, and she gave him a warm smile, which he happily returned with a faint blush on his cheeks.

She knew that most of the women who hung around the club were either nervous or disdainful towards Chucky just because of his hands and his somewhat odd behavior. Emily didn't understand that because in her opinion, he was weird, definitely, but Chucky was one of the nicest guys she had ever met.

"How you doing, princess?" Tig asked her.

She took a small sip of her coffee and nodded. "I'm alright," she answered, which was a bold-faced lie but she couldn't really tell these guys anything else. "I feel so terrible for Thomas and Abel," she couldn't help but admit.

"They'll be alright," Tig was quick to assure her. "They have Jax and Gemma and all of us."

She nodded and took a sip of coffee, keeping her thoughts to herself. Jax loved his sons but he was very absent in their lives, Gemma was downright scary most of the time and as for the rest of them, they couldn't replace a mother.

A cell phone suddenly started ringing its lively tune and she couldn't help but jump a little in surprise. She felt Happy's hand, heavy on her hip as if steadying her, and Chibs answered his phone, stepping away to have the conversation with the person on the other end.

Tig stood up, draining the rest of his cup of coffee. "Gotta take a piss," he announced before heading towards the bathrooms in the back.

Happy slid over and sat down in his vacated stool beside her and Emily instantly turned to face him, his hands sliding to rest on the sides of her thighs.

"I know what you're thinking," she told him bluntly.

Happy didn't say anything; just stared at her with his dark eyes and seemed to be waiting.

"You're thinking that if I stay with you, if we stay together, I'll be stabbed in the head and found dead on the kitchen floor, too," she said.

Happy still didn't speak – not to agree or argue – but she knew. She could see the tiniest twitch in his face as he held his teeth together too tightly. She leaned into him, lifting a hand to his cheek, and she kept her eyes staring into his.

"That's not going to happen," she told him softly.

He let out a soft snort at that. "So sure of that?" He asked.

"Yes," she said with the utmost confidence and even though she couldn't give him reasons as to why it wouldn't happen, it was what she felt.

What happened to Tara was so terrible and terrifying and of course, someone could go after her in retaliation for something the club had done but she looked at Happy and despite everything – despite her brain reminding herself that she really couldn't – she found herself trusting him. She loved him and trusted him because her heart seemed to refuse to listen to her brain despite everything going on around them at the moment.

"With what happened to Tara, things are going to get real bad for a while," he said.

She nodded because even though she didn't know what that meant – and she didn't want to know – she had had a feeling that things would happen. Tara was Jax's wife and Jax was the president. _Of course_ things were going to get bad. She didn't want to think about it though because ever since she had met Happy, things had seemed to be bad and she didn't want to imagine how they could possibly be even worse.

"I know it really doesn't matter to you one way or another," she said quietly. "But I want to be with you, Happy."

And despite wanting to get married and have kids some day, that was some day. This was right now and right now, she loved him. For some reason, she loved him.

He stared at her for a few passing moments without saying a word and she didn't expect him to say anything. Happy would never say anything that had to do with her or feelings or their relationship so when he actually did open his mouth, she almost wanted to fall out of the stool in shock. Happy was actually going to talk like an actual adult to his old lady?

"You think it doesn't matter to me?" He said and his voice was so low, she had to almost lean closer to him because she couldn't hear him that well.

He stared at her and she opened her mouth to respond. Honestly? No, she didn't think it mattered to him and why would she think that it did? He wasn't exactly open with showing her how he felt about her or this thing they had going on between them.

"Hey," Chibs came back to them before Emily could say anything and both she and Happy turned their heads to look at him. "That was Jackie Boy. You and me are goin' to visit him this afternoon and Tig will take Emily to Gemma's," he said.

Happy nodded and looked back to Emily. "See you when I get back," he said and then leaned forward, surprising her when he kissed her in his usual hard manner.

Before she could say anything in return, Happy stood up and he followed Chibs to the back to talk with Tig before they left.

_You think it doesn't matter to me?_ She watched him walk away and she felt the pressure left on her lips from his. Did that mean that it did matter to him? Was she going to get her hopes up and think that _she_ was important to him? She knew she must have been in some form since he did make her his old lady but past that, she didn't have a lot to go on.

Until now.

_You think it doesn't matter to me?_ Maybe it all did.

…

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**Thank you so much for reading and please review!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Sometimes, I have no idea what to write for these two and the other times, they just inspire me. And listening to Taylor Swift's "Wildest Dreams" really inspired me for Emily/Happy. **

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…

Emily liked Lyla Winston. Yes, Lyla was a porn star and Emily might have been a little weary around her the first time she met her but Lyla had always been nothing but nice to her and she had absolutely no right to judge anyone on their life. After all, just look at her boyfriend.

As usual, Emily had no idea what was going on. All she knew was Happy had come to the apartment, told her to pack a bag and he brought her to the club's new porn studio on the docks, Red Woody. He told her that she had to stay there for couple of days – just until something going on with the club blew over. Emily had opened her mouth to ask more questions but she had closed it again without letting a word out. She knew no matter what she asked, he would never give her an answer.

Just because she was an old lady, that didn't meant that she ever had to know anything and after all of this time, she was finally accepting that. She didn't like it at all but she knew every question would just be a waste of breath and there just wasn't a point anymore.

There were a couple of bedrooms in the back that Lyla showed her to, promising her that these beds weren't used for filming and that the sheets were clean.

"I promise," Lyla said with a little laugh. "Gemma would kill me if I had you sleeping on sheets that smell like cum." Emily felt her cheeks warm and Lyla laughed a little. "The bathroom's through there and there are towels under the sink. If you need anything, just have find me or one of the girls."

"Thank you, Lyla," Emily smiled at her. "Do you…" she attempted to swallow the dryness in her throat. "I know you probably don't but… do you-"

"Know anything?" Lyla guessed and when Emily nodded her head, Lyla nodded, too. "Not exactly but something's happening with the Chinese."

"Oh," Emily said after a moment but she didn't say anything else because she really didn't know what to say. She had absolutely no idea what Lyla's answer meant. She didn't even know the club had dealings with any Chinese and why there were problems with them now and not for the first time since her death, she wished Tara was still here. There were so many things she wanted to ask; so much about being an old lady that she needed to know.

Lyla left her alone and Emily closed the door behind her. She had set her bag on the bed and she unzipped it now, looking at Kyle and smiling as the cat had perched himself on the pillow, lazily swishing his tail, looking quite at home.

Emily pulled out Happy's SAMCRO tee-shirt and undressing herself, she pulled the soft, cotton fabric over her head, the large shirt sliding down her body, hanging at her thighs. She then went into the bathroom, washing her face, brushing her teeth and brushing her hair. It was still early. Just a few minutes past eight but she had been working and she was tired and with this whole having to sleep in a porn studio instead of her own bed made her feel more tired than usual.

She took the book she had brought with her and moving Kyle, she slipped between the sheets and turned on the lamp on the table beside the bed. She could hear the others outside through the door. She knew they were all night owls and would probably be awake for hours. Emily knew there probably wouldn't be a point in waiting up for Happy but she would try. She told herself not to but she could never help but worry about him; especially when family of club members were on lockdown like this.

When she heard the doorknob start to turn, she first looked to the clock to see that she had been reading for almost two hours. She then looked to the door as Happy stepped into the room, closing the door behind him again and turning the lock. She gave him a tired smile and closed her book, setting it on the table.

"Hey," she said softly.

"Hey," he said back as he began undressing himself.

She pretended not to notice a newly acquired bruise on his chest.

He meticulously folded the clothes and set them on the chair and once clad only in his boxers, he crawled onto the bed. Without a word, he picked up Kyle and set the cat on the floor and then his arms found her, wrapping around her and pulling her to his body. She gave him a smile but didn't say anything and he didn't say anything as he stared at her with his dark eyes.

She lifted a hand to the back of his head and he breathed out, as if exhaling with relief at her touch, and brought his forehead to hers. She wanted to ask. Of course she did. But she didn't. So, instead, she said the first thing that popped into her head.

"Will you give me a tattoo?"

And for a passing beat, he just stared at her.

"Why do you want a tattoo?" He then asked.

She shrugged a shoulder and gave him a smile. "I'm your old lady, aren't I? Don't old ladies get tattoos?"

Happy shook his head. "You really want to get a tattoo? What? You want my name tattooed on your ass?"

"Well, that's just not going to happen," she said and it almost looked like he was about to smile. "What about a little crow or something? Maybe the back of my neck?"

At the aforementioned part of her body, his hand slipped around to the back of her neck and her eyes fluttered shut at his touch. Even after all of this time, it was amazing to her how someone like him could be so gentle when he wanted to be.

She gasped as his lips then touched her skin, that sensitive patch right at the corner of her jaw. A hum rose from the back of her throat and she felt herself being guided onto her back, his body heavy and warm on top of her. She kept her eyes closed as his lips molded to hers and she moaned into his mouth.

She wasn't sure exactly what it was but something had changed between them. The day of Tara's funeral when they had talked but not really. She had said things and he had hardly said anything in return and yet, it had been more than enough. When it came to Happy, he had practically recited a sonnet to her. He had said it mattered to him. _She_ mattered to him and she supposed that that was all she had been wanting to hear from him for so long.

"Happy," she moaned his name as his mouth left hers and he began scraping his lips down her neck. "What are you doing?" She asked – as if she needed an explanation.

His lips curved into a smirk against her clavicle. "Finding a better spot for a tattoo."

His hands slid down her body and then slipped up her tee-shirt.

"You're going to give me a tattoo?" She asked, finally opening her eyes to watch him push himself up and he grabbed hold of the tee-shirt, pulling it up her body.

"Maybe I'll give you one on your head," he smirked a little, sinking on top of her again.

The room was cold and her nipples instantly reacted, tightening into near-painful points, but then he was on top of her again and she felt warmth.

She smiled up at him, her hands sliding over his scalp. "I think there's some sort of rule. Only one head tattoo between a couple."

He smirked at that and his lips went back to her throat, his hands sliding up the sides of her body. She nearly shivered as his thumbs brushed along the sides of her breasts. Her eyes slid shut and she arched her back from the bed, pressing herself against him. She moaned again and her hands went to his hips, clutching into him, and he ground against her in response. She moaned a little louder and her hands slipped beneath the waistband of his boxers, her nails digging into his skin. He let out a growl against her shoulder and pressed again harder between her thighs.

She cried out when his head dipped down and his lips enclosed around her nipples and her back bowed sharply. And then his hand went between her thighs and she knew that moans definitely were nothing these walls hadn't heard before but she wasn't used to being so loud during sex; not even with how brutal sometimes Happy could be in bed. And she knew he liked that about her. She knew he had slept with more than one of these porn girls and they were loud. So loud, Happy had muttered to her once. And she wasn't. The first time they had had sex, Happy said he had to look at her face the entire time to make sure that she was actually liking it because she had been so damn quiet, he hadn't actually been sure.

And when he pushed her thighs apart a little wider and thrust into her, she gasped as if all breath was trapped in her throat. He began moving immediately. He never gave her time to adjust but she was wet enough so it wasn't necessarily uncomfortable and it had stopped hurting a long time ago. And she always fell into it after a few thrusts and then her body was moving with his, hips lifting to meet his, nails digging into his skin, her breath panting against his skin as he grunted roughly in her ear.

His thrusts were hard and powerful and the bed began banging against the wall behind it. She knew they could be heard by the others out there and a part of her brain that hadn't shut off yet reminded herself that there were some kids here and they shouldn't hear things like this but then, as if he knew she was thinking, Happy slapped his hips against hers and she cried out sharply, every bit of her brain completely stopping after that.

He stopped for only a moment to take her legs and throw them over his shoulders, her feet flopping in the air as he resumed thrusting into her as hard as he could, pounding her into the bed, and her voice was growing hoard with her constant moaning. Her fingers clutched into the bed sheets, needing something to hold onto as Happy fucked her because when he did, she felt like the only thing she could do was just hold on.

And when she came, she screamed his name and she felt his own end, shuddering on top of her, groaning in her ear, shooting inside of her, and her muscles clenched around him.

"Fuck," he grunted as he laid on top of her.

He was crushing her but she didn't care and she kept her arms wrapped around him.

"So, I think the back of my neck would be the perfect spot for a little crow," she said once her breath had returned to her. "Do you think you could do that?"

"Most of my tattoos, I've given to myself. I think I could handle it." He lifted his head, looking down into her eyes. "Why do you want a tattoo so much all of a sudden?"

"Well, I'm your old lady," she said again.

"You don't need a tattoo to be my old lady, Em," he said and finally rolled from her, flopping down onto his back beside her.

She pulled the sheet up over her chest and rolled towards him. She smiled a little. He had only called her Em a few times during their relationship and she knew it was stupid but it was one of those things that made her heart flip a little every time.

"I don't?" She asked and she remembered those two crow eaters talking in the clubhouse kitchen all that time ago about her not having Happy's tattoo and her being his old lady not being really official until then.

Was that the truth or did all she need was Happy declaring her as his old lady and that was that? Why the hell was she listening to crow eaters anyway?

"No," he looked at her then, right into her eyes and no where else. "I love you and you're my old lady. You don't have to get a tattoo for that."

He stared at her and he had said it as simply as if he was saying it was raining outside. Emily just stared at him though and she swore that if she wasn't laying down, she would have already fallen over.

…

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**Thank you so much for reading and commenting!**


	8. Chapter 8

**I'm sorry that I, yet again, let this story get away from me. I hope everyone still remembers this one.**

**This chapter and particular one-shot takes place earlier in time than the past few chapters. **

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…

"So, are you going to marry her?" Jax asked suddenly as they stood at the gas pumps, filling their bikes up on the way back to Charming from Oakland.

Chibs broke into a smile at the question and Happy just frowned at both of them.

"What, man?" Jax smiled and it seemed to grow wider by the second. "Nothing wrong with getting married when you find the right girl."

Happy's brow furrowed as his frown deepened. "Are we really talking about this?"

Tig grinned and slapped Happy on the shoulder. "If you won't marry Emily, I'll marry her. She's perfect for me."

"How do you figure that?" Chibs asked with a slight chuckle.

"Have you seen her?" Tig asked him in return, all the while still grinning, even as Happy let out some sort of growl low from the back of his throat.

"Relax, man," Jax said with a smile to Happy while putting a hand on Tig's chest and pushing him back a step. "You know Tig's just messin' with you."

Happy just kept frowning at Tig. He knew a part of Tig wasn't messing around at all. None of them were. All of the guys in the club loved Emily, including Tig. _Especially _Tig. And he liked that Emily was with him and that when she came to the clubhouse, it was to see him and only him. He liked that she wore his tee-shirts and when he wore them again, they still smelled like her. He liked that he had an old lady who didn't own anything leather in her closet and didn't have a single tattoo or piercing on her body except in her ear lobes. He liked that she was different from every single other woman who hung around the club. Even Jax's old lady, even the doc, had an edge to her that Emily didn't have. She was too sweet to be around any of them – especially him – but she was still there and she wasn't going anywhere.

Happy had always been protective and possessive of her – even before she was anything to him – and all of the guys knew that. They also knew that Emily was just the right button to push when it came to pissing him off though none of them were ever really looking to piss Happy, of all people, off. Tig just had a lot more dumb moments than the other guys.

"You know there's nothing wrong with getting married to Emily, though," Jax continued.

Happy turned his head, watching the numbers at the gas pump tick up with each gallon and ignoring this whole damn conversation.

He wasn't going to marry Emily and it wasn't like she had ever mentioned it to him. He knew what she was doing. She was young and having fun. They were both having fun. She loved him and he cared more for her than he had ever cared for a woman before – besides his mom and aunt – and he was going to stick with her for as long as she wanted to stick with him.

But there was no way Emily would ever want to make that kind of commitment to him because girls like Emily, when they got married, they got married for life and girls like Emily didn't spend their life with guys like him. They both knew that even if they had never actually talked about it.

And why the hell would he want to get married? What next? Buying a house and having kids? What the hell was Jax talking about?

But then something occurred to him and he looked back to his President, who was still smiling and all of them were clearly enjoying his reaction to this conversation. "Emily say something?" He grunted out.

Emily and Tara both worked at St. Thomas Hospital and he knew that Emily had confided in Tara times before this when it came to things about the club and being an old lady. If Emily had talked about getting married, it would be to Tara and all it would take was Tara mentioning it to Jax for Jax to bring it up with him now.

He was back to frowning. He didn't want to get married. There wasn't a single part of that wanted to get married and he never thought Emily would want it either. What the hell was he supposed to do if she did? She couldn't be _that_ stupid. He already thought that she was a little crazy for being his old lady but she couldn't want something as asinine as actually wanting to have him for a husband.

"No," Jax said, popping a cigarette into his mouth despite the clear no smoking signs on the gas pumps.

"Even if she didn', you shouldn' be stupid enough to let a girl like her go," Chibs added his opinion.

"She's not going anywhere," Happy growled at them both and from the corner of his eye, he could see Tig open his mouth to say something but Happy cut a glare over to him and Tig wisely stayed quiet.

It was late afternoon when they made it back to the clubhouse and he immediately saw Emily's car parked there. He wondered if she had come over right after her shift. She had worked the overnight at the hospital so he knew with her there, she was sleeping in his room. Sometimes, she liked coming back here rather than her apartment, for some reason. Happy didn't ask. If she wanted to crash in his bed after working, she could. As his old lady, his bed was as much hers as it was his.

Inside, Gemma was there and she immediately grabbed Jax, pulling him away to talk to him. Tig went straight to the bar where Phil stood and already pouring him a drink, Chibs headed towards the table where Bobby was sitting, his glasses on and papers and a calculator spread in front of him, and Happy headed towards the bedrooms down the hallway in the back.

Sure enough, in his room, Emily slept on his bed, her nursing scrubs folded neatly on the dresser and her body clad in only one of his tee-shirts as she usually preferred to wear when she slept. Happy took the scrubs and left the room again, heading down the hall. Whatever Gemma and Jax were talking about, Jax looked pissed. He looked pissed a lot of the time when his mom was talking to him. Happy didn't interrupt. He just set the scrubs down on top of the bar so Gemma would take them to wash them and headed back towards his room. He knew Emily would be pissed – she didn't like having Gemma do things for her, for some reason – but her scrubs smelled like the hospital and she had other pairs to wear to work while those were being washed and she kept extra clothes in his room to wear so it wasn't like she would have to go home naked.

Back in his room, Happy shut and locked the door. Emily didn't stir but Kyle, her cat, was lying on the foot of the bed, watching him with yellow eyes and a lazy swish of his tail. Happy frowned at him. He hated that damn cat but Emily always brought him and he didn't complain because he knew she loved the thing. And the guys seemed fond of having the cat around, too, for some reason. He'd feel better if she had a dog on the nights they weren't together; something that could bark and protect her and scare off if someone got too close. Cats were useless in his opinion but she had gotten Kyle when Happy was locked up and he knew the thing wasn't going anywhere.

Happy undressed himself down to his boxers and stood at the foot of the bed, watching Emily sleep for a moment. She usually slept on top of the covers when she was over. She said she got too hot when she was here and she liked feeling the air against her skin. He looked at her now and her dark hair against the pillow, a strand of it flung across her cheek. She wore his grey Samcro tee-shirt and it had crept up so it showed off plenty of leg and a hint of the green underneath she wore underneath. Just green cotton. No lace or satin or thongs for her. Most days, he had no idea where she had come from.

Emily didn't wake as he climbed onto the bed to lay beside her but she sensed him and in her sleep, she shifted closer to him, rolling onto her side, her head instantly finding his chest. It had taken him a while to get used to Emily wanting to always be so close to him when they slept but now, he knew that she was a cuddler and there wasn't anything he could do about it. Besides, it felt kind of nice to know that she wanted to be close to him as she slept.

He put his arm around her and didn't try to fall asleep, not tired enough to even think about trying. He just laid there and listened to her soft breathing and feel the warm exhales of air from her across his chest.

He didn't know when it had happened but lying with Emily like this in bed – just lying with her and not doing anything – became the one thing in this world that could calm him down. It used to be getting tattoos or doing shots or grabbing one of the crow eaters who hung around to try and relieve some of the tension coiled tight in his muscles. But now, there was her. Just her. His old lady.

His wife?

Hell no. She would just always be his old lady for as long as she wanted to be.

She shifted again and he swore she murmured his name then but she remained asleep and he did nothing to wake her.

She smelled like peaches. In the clubhouse that smelled of cigarette smoke, beer, too much leather and cheap perfume, there was Emily, smelling like peaches.

...

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**Thank you very much for reading and please review!**


	9. Chapter 9

…

Everything was so different now and sometimes, she felt as if all she had done was blink and when she looked again, it had all changed. Just like that. She wondered if things always changed that quickly and she had just never noticed before.

Happy didn't talk about it – not that she _ever _expected him to. Something had happened – with Jax, with the club – and whatever it was, he had gotten shot in the arm and so many people had died. But she knew better than to ask; knew it would just be a waste of breath because whatever it was, it had left so many people dead and she was just relieved that he wasn't one of them. Jax, Juice, Gemma, Unser, all of them dead and the boys were now gone, off somewhere to live with Nero and Wendy but again, she didn't ask and she could only hope silently to herself that the two boys were safe and happy.

Sometimes, she felt guilty for being happy in her own life.

Emily continued working at St. Thomas and every day was busy – the next never the same from the previous. And at the end of her shifts, she went back to her apartment though she wasn't sure when it happened but it was no longer just _her_ apartment. It was his, too.

They hadn't discussed it. She didn't ask him to move in and he hadn't asked if he could stay there. It was just one of those things. More of his clothes slowly found their way over to her apartment each time and stayed there and he kept a lockbox on the top shelf of their closet. She didn't ask what was in it but she just assumed it was guns and she really didn't want to know anyway.

Happy still sometimes slept over at the clubhouse – which was still in the Red Woody studios. If he was doing something for the club and felt it was too late, he stayed in one of the spare bedrooms there if he didn't want to come back and possibly wake her up. Emily knew that most of her friends – other nurses at the hospital and Natalie, too – would not be alright with their boyfriend spending the night at a porn studio with porn stars around and Emily knew it definitely wasn't normal but she couldn't help but wonder why they wouldn't be alright. Didn't they trust their boyfriends? And why were they with their boyfriends if they didn't trust them?

It wasn't ideal, of course, but Emily had no reason to not trust Happy. He may not have been a good man but he had been a good man to her. He had lost his temper but she had lost hers, too, and every couple fought but he never hit her or cheated on her and he loved her; something she still couldn't entirely believe but he had said it to her that one time and she was his old lady and she had learned that with Happy, that was more than he ever had with anyone else. She didn't have to worry about porn stars.

She didn't think about Happy with porn stars but she did sometimes think about the porn stars themselves. Tall and thin with long hair and big breasts and plump lips made for sucking all sorts of things. Emily had enough confidence in herself to know that she was pretty. She was pretty but she was not _beautiful_. She was a bit on the short side and she was too pale and she certainly didn't dress in any sort of style that could be confused as sexy.

And it wasn't as if Happy said anything about not liking the way she looked. She figured that if he didn't like the way she looked, he just wouldn't be with her. And it wasn't as if she was obsessing about it. There wasn't too much she could do about it. This was her and she wasn't going to change just so she looked more like Lyla Winston or one of the other women. That look worked for them but Emily knew she would have just looked ridiculous if she suddenly started making herself look that way, too.

Still, there were little things she figured she could do – more for herself than to keep Happy happy, if she was honest with herself. Sometimes, she wore scrubs ten days in a row and there was a part of her that wanted to feel sexy.

"What about this one?" Natalie asked, holding up a black lace set complete with garters.

Emily wrinkled her nose and shook her head. "I'm not trying out for a burlesque, Nat," she reminded her best friend.

"Would Happy like it?" Natalie kept holding it up, pushing it closer to Emily, but Emily wasn't looking at it anymore and digging through the sales bins of underwear.

"I don't know. He's never said anything about my underwear one way or another. He usually just cares about how fast he can get it off," Emily commented off-handedly.

Natalie laughed at that. "Then why are we doing this?"

That made Emily frown at her. "For me. And because of this," she said and held up the bottom of her shirt and pushed down the top of her jeans just enough to show the underwear she was wearing – white cotton briefs with little cherries on them. And it wasn't as if she didn't like her underwear. She just wanted to have something different in her drawer to choose from.

She resumed looking through the bins and tried not to think of Natalie's question. They had been best friends since high school and they had always been different when it came to most things in life. Natalie was very much in love with men and the idea that she had been put on this earth for their pleasure. With each new boyfriend she had, she developed a new personality. Emily sometimes found it exhausting to keep up with her and she wondered if it was exhausting to actually be Natalie – constantly changing yourself for a guy who would only be in your life for a few months before you both moved on to the next.

Emily had never been like that. She hadn't had nearly as many boyfriends as Natalie – and Happy was definitely the one relationship who had lasted the longest so far – but Emily had never had the urge to change herself and she knew that if she hadn't changed herself for Happy, she never would. She supposed for other women dating a club member, it would all be too easy. Too start wearing leather and drinking and getting into fights with everyone but that wasn't Emily and she and both Happy knew that and Happy had never even hinted that he wanted her to be like the other women. If Emily had to guess, he seemed to like that she was so different from everyone else.

She didn't judge Natalie for what she did when in a relationship. It was just who she was.

And it definitely wasn't her.

When she got back home, Happy was there, lying on the couch, watching television and he sat up when she walked in.

"Hi," she gave him a smile.

"Hey," he grunted, muting the television and sitting up.

"Good day?" She asked as she came to sit down beside him. His hand found the back of her head and he leaned in, kissing her in his usual short, hard way. His eyes landed on the pink and white striped bag in her hand and she laughed softly as he raised an eyebrow at her.

"Me and Chibs went looking at a house today," he said, not addressing the bag from Victoria's Secret for the moment.

"A house?" She asked, confused, not sure if she should already know what he was talking about but Happy talked about so few things, she remembered everything he did say.

"Yeah. Jax's house," Happy said and his eyes were set intently on her. "Was left to the club. Chibs was thinking one of us should move in."

He really didn't have to say anything more than that. She couldn't read his mind still after their time together but this time, she knew what he was implying. Emily wasn't too sure what to say about that or how to even feel. It was a nice house. Small and in good condition. But Tara had been _murdered_ in that house. Right in the kitchen, dying on the floor by the sink. How could any of them live in there after that?

Happy didn't say anything further about it. "You think about it," he said and she nodded.

"I will," she promised.

She wondered if it had been Happy's suggestion to have him and Emily live there or if Chibs had been the one to suggest it. She supposed it wasn't that important because no matter who suggested it, Happy didn't seem to think that living in that house with her was the wrong next thing for them to do.

And just knowing that Happy was thinking about something like for them, she smiled and leaned in, kissing him again. Unlike him, she always kissed him softly and slowly.

"Come on," she said, getting to her feet and grabbing his hand, pulling him with her. She held up the bag, swinging it back and forth. "I want to show you something," she smiled, a giggle bubbling in her throat, and Happy broke into a grin, bending down and Emily broke out into a loud laugh as he easily tossed her over his shoulder like he was a fireman and he smacked her ass as he carried her towards the bedroom.

Deep in her mind, even though she felt guilty for thinking it, she couldn't help it. She thought of how happy she was that despite everything that had happened to the club, she still had him.

...

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**Thank you very much for reading!**


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